The Dog Ate My Paperwork!

Don’t give me that look! It’s not like I’m some grade school kid trying to explain her missing homework. It’s just, some dogs really are crazed maniacs.

I have a customer named Linda Martin, and Linda Martin has a dog named Cowboy. Cowboy looks like a border collie crossed with a mutt but acts more like a two-year-old crossed with an untamed stallion.

Well, one day I was delivering Linda Martin’s prescriptions. We’d had a lot of rain recently, and Cowboy was making good use of the mud puddles in the front yard. I walked up to the front door and started to knock. Next thing I know, Cowboy is barking and plastering muddy paw prints all over my work uniform and otherwise trying to drive me from his front porch as though I were some kind of ninja squirrel come to attack his mama.

This happened a couple of times before Linda made it to the front door and saved me with a loud scolding of her dog and a stern command for him to “go watch.” There was a moment of blissful peace after Cowboy trotted off to the other side of the yard to “go watch” the passing cars.

Only a moment.

I handed Linda a paper I needed her to sign stating she’d received her delivery. She signed it and handed it back . . . or rather, she attempted to hand it back. In reality, it never made the transition from her hand to mine.

I can’t say what happened, exactly. All I know is, Cowboy was there in a flash, and then he wasn’t, and in that nanosecond of shaggy, muddy, barking chaos . . . the paper disappeared.

Well, Linda and I chased that dog all over the yard. He ran from the front porch to the chain-link fence to the bushes in back, bouncing through mud puddles and clutching that paper in his mouth like he’d dug up his favorite bone.

Twenty minutes later, I stood before my boss as he looked me up and down, taking in the muddy paw prints, the strands of hair straying from my ponytail . . . and the muddy, mangled, half-eaten signature paper.

“What on earth . . . ?”

“Well, you see,” I began, “Linda Martin has this dog. . . .”

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7 thoughts on “The Dog Ate My Paperwork!

  1. David

    So, It’s true–dogs really do eat homework!!!! And I was dumb enough to never use that excuse.

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  2. Dan Hood

    Yep! That’s Cowboy! I know Linda, and I know that Mutt! Well written and funny.

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  3. I snorted out loud at “but acts more like a two-year-old crossed with an untamed stallion.” “…As though I were some kind of ninja squirrel come to attack his mama” also warranted a grin of appreciation. “…And in that nanosecond of shaggy, muddy, barking chaos . . . the paper disappeared.” Yes, yes, yes! This was a delightful read and a reminder that man’s best friend is a courier’s biggest challenge, and that the challenge is always funnier when it happens to someone else, wicked grin.

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  4. Diane

    LOL! Wow.

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  5. Deana Griffin

    Such a fun read! I loved your analogies and could picture this dog wrecking havoc on you and your receipt. Thanks for such an enjoyable story.

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  6. Terri Martin

    great story It made my day. I have been sick, stuck in the house for three days and this is just what I needed, a good pick me up to read. Thank-you.

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